My ABCs

Yes, I know this is technically plagiarism, but after reading peas on toast and mrs m's versions, I simply couldn't resist...

A is for mr A, my yankee boyfriend who has, in the past week, started to correct my afrikaans.

B is for Bermuda. A too tiny, extremely overpriced tax haven/tourist trap island (or so a reliable source claims) with overweight cricketers. I'd pay pretty much anything that's left on my credit card to be there now, whilst my reliable source allegedly would pay anything to find himself in a country with a decent chance of winning the cricket world cup.

C is for credit card. the bugger used to be my best friend, but he got us into quite a tight spot right now.

D is for double brandy and coke (or double anything with/without mix, whatever's available). Right now i really wish there was a bottle of something in this miserable open plan office.

E is for energy. I used to have plenty, but that was in the days when i still thought you're over the hill when you're 40. not true, sucker. it's actually 25.

F is for faraway lands. one if these days... watch this space.

G is for the general who shall remain unnamed. to my utter disgrace i must confess that i finally heard The Song. and it didn't sound half bad in a bar in graaff-reinet.

H is for horseriding on the beach. it isn't romantic at all. in fact, it's scary (especially when the guide lights up his second zol for the morning and suggests a run) and painful (when you agree to it).

I is for impossible. as in impossible to not get emotionally involved in my job. or postpone things to the last minute. or watch just one more episode of desperate housewives. or start studying tonight. or save money. or plan. or anything else responsible people do.

J is for jobs. please can i have a new one?

K is for the karoo. if only i could own a private jet and a big enough trust fund...

L is for laughter. thank god for mrs m's & j's blogs, and the constant email chats. how else would i survive a day in this hole without laughing every now and again at my computer screen?

M is for mind. i'm losing mine.

N is for never again. but that's what i said the last time i let current and ex-boyfriends share breathing space.

O is for overdosing on weddings. attending three in seven days is a good idea only if you plan to never tie the knot yourself.

P is for passport. i've been having nightmares that mine might be converted to a south african one without my permission and i might never be able to leave this country (anyone seen last king of scotland?). of course i wake up in a cold sweat to realize it's NOT a bad dream.

Q is for queen. i wish i knew one (with a private jet and a big love for the karoo) personally.

R is for reality check. boy, does it hurt.

S is for skimpy salaries. how many days to the 25th?

T is for the Transkei. As i've realized this past week, it's too adventurous for me. And unless hungry kids eating the food off your plate in a "restaurant", humongous potholes and potent dagga are your thing, i suspect it may also be a little too adventurous for you.

U is for urban jungle. i'd love to live in a real city. one with shops that stay open after 6pm. and maybe - can you imagine? - buses and trains that run on time and don't cost an arm & a leg (or a life).

V is for victory. the last time i felt it (or so it feels), was when i passed accounting in my third year with the whopping total of 51%. and that was 2001.

W is for (you've got the) world-at-your-feet. i wish.

X is for... isn't it always for xerox?

Y is for... who cares?

Z is for Zimbabwe. if i was mark thatcher, that's where i would stage a coup.